Certainly a number of my clients feel this way.  Even though they recognise things they’re doing well in many ways, they nevertheless are excruciatingly aware of the ways in which they feel to not make the grade.  This can bring with it debilitating guilt, fear and shame.  It makes them feel vulnerable and that doesn’t feel good.

Yet being vulnerable and imperfect is what makes us human.   They are our strengths.

There’s a great video about this by Brene Brown called The Power of Vulnerability.  In it she suggests that to fully experience life with all its joy, we have to embrace our vulnerability.  She argues that what makes a person vulnerable makes them beautiful, that we have to have courage to be imperfect, that in order to connect with others authentically we have to let go of who we feel we should be so that we can be who we really are.

I believe it’s about recognising that we won’t always get things right, that we will make mistakes, that things will go wrong, that we are all work in progress and that being good enough is good enough.  If we can be kinder to ourselves, just as we often find it easy to be kind to others, we can accept ourselves warts and all.

And that’s the way to feeling more confident, and more worthy, and to getting on with the real joy of living.

It’s funny too that many times, we think we’re the only one who feels like that – everyone else has it all sorted, can do their job, and has all the self confidence they need.  Well, I’ll let you into a secret – that’s just not true!

From headteachers to lawyers, from the top of the boardroom to the factory floor, a significant number of people suffer from lack of self-belief and feeling just ‘not good enough’.

Is this you?  If so, you’re not alone.

I work with lots of people who fear they’ll be found out as not up to the job.  Like the lawyer who had a highly developed ability to beat herself up over every minor transgression, or the headteacher who feared his governors would discover the mistake they’d made in appointing him.

Over the next few weeks I’ll be giving some tips on how to begin to turn this around.  For today, you might like to visit my confidence coaching webpage and click on the link to my confidence quiz to discover you current level of self confidence.

Oh, and don’t forget to leave any comments you have, below.

Action for Happiness was set up not long ago to help us all feel happier and more fulfilled. They have identified the key things that have a positive impact on your happiness and well-being.  These are:

Giving – doing things for others

Relating – connecting with people

Exercising – keeping active and looking after your body

Appreciating – noticing the good things around you

Trying out – learning new things

Direction – having realistic goals to look forward to

Resilience – finding wayys to move on from setbacks

Emotion – choosing a positive attitude

Acceptance – being comfortable with who you are

Meaning – having purpose in your life through reaching out

Together they make the word Great Dream.  You can read more about these key factors for happy living here.

If you haven’t yet added your own mention of what made you smile, then please do.  Just click on the ‘Happiness Forum’ link on the right and then add your comment at the bottom of the article.  We’d love to hear from you!

Simply buy yourself a lovely notebook – perhaps one of those with an attractive design on the front – and maybe a special pen or pencil.  Each night, before settling to sleep, open a new page of the book and note down 3 things that brought you joy or made you smile that day.  They don’t need to be big things – they can be as simple as the reflection of the sun on  water, a child’s smile, or a book that made you chuckle.  They can be bigger things, too – such as achieving a promotion, finishing the report you’ve been writing or helping someone out with a problem, perhaps.

The great thing is that, as you add to your book, more and more good things spring to mind.  What’s more, within little time you have a whole host of things to read about that made you smile – and can make you smile again as you re-read them.  A real mood booster!

I was thinking again about this lovely approach to shifting mood positively, when it occurred to me how much more powerful it might be if we all contributed to an on-line Book of Joy – a forum where we can share and read about things that have made us smile.

Who knows?  Perhaps this approach could start a wave of positivity that extends wider than we can imagine.  And if we were all much more positive and happy, who knows how productive, effective and at peace we could all become.

So, how about it?  Let me challenge you to add a comment below about what’s made you smile today.  In fact, why not add three?  Or even add one each day for the whole week?

The on-line Happiness Forum is ready and waiting…

It’s amazing the impact of a simple act of kindness.   I felt good, it made us both smile, and I wanted to give something back too.

Action for Happiness states several reasons why random acts of kindness work:

• they improve our mood, reduce stress, increase feelings of satisfaction, and boost our confidence in ourselves
• they help take our mind off our own problems and concerns
• they mean we connect with other people – which is a key to happiness and a basic human need
• they encourage us to be kinder to ourselves and inspire those on the receiving end to be kinder to others too.  In other words, like a smile, they’re infectious!

Kindness to others can lead to a big shift in positivity – not just for the other person, but for you too.  They help you connect and form good relationships with others and lead to a bettter, more fulfilling life.

I’m just off to take some home-made cake round to a friend.

I’d love to hear about your RAKs too – or those you have received and what they meant to you.  Please do comment below.

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.  There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

And as we let out own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So said Marianne Williamson in her ‘A Return to Love’.

I wonder how often you keep yourself small?

There seems to be a culture for some people that we shouldn’t show off.  Yet we all have a unique set of talents and skills; gifts, some of which we were born with, for us to use and share with the world.  Without using and sharing them we remain unfulfilled, and those around us can’t benefit from what we have to offer.

Are you making the most of who you are?  Are you allowing yourself to shine and thereby enabling others around you to shine too?

I used to shy away from promoting my coaching work – it felt too ‘pushy’.  Then my coach reminded me that by holding myself back, people who needed my services would not know about them and could not benefit from them or be helped to ‘shine’.

In what way are you holding yourself back?  How would it be if you made the most of your unique gifts and talents?  How about starting today?

Which reminds me of another favourite quote:

“I want to do for you what the spring does to the cherry trees.” Pablo Neruda

It neatly sums up exactly what I aim to achieve with all my clients.  And, boy, don’t they deliver!  It’s a constant headache to my accountant, because I’m always losing clients – they grow so much personally and professionally.  But what a great problem to have.  

Like the successful business woman who finished coaching recently, having moved from a place of self loathing and despair to a new place of being in control, having more energy and feeling much more focused and happy with herself.  Or the senior lecturer who was great at her work but felt under-valued, lacking in confidence and unable to move forward.  She’s now moved country, changed jobs, feels fulfilled personally and professionally and is expecting her long-awaited first child.

Which reminds me of another quote:

“It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before, to test your limits, to break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

What brave steps have you taken today? This week?  What barriers do you need to break through? What pain are you creating for yourself by keeping yourself small?

Which reminds me of another great quote…….but I’ll leave that one till next time!

So said John Shedd in his poem Salt From My Attic.

A great quote about daring to venture out of your comfort zone, into the unfamiliar and, at times perhaps, scary.  That’s what I have the privilege to witness so many of my clients daring to do.

John one of my previous clients emailed me following my last post to tell me: “I think it’s another pat on the back for your training. Just before Christmas I was forced off my bike by a driver who didn’t stop. Thanks to The Times newspaper campaign for a fairer deal for cyclists, I am now actively involved in making cycling safer. I am meeting my MP next week to discuss the matter and also contacted the local newspaper who are going to do a piece. Planning to contact the local radio station as well as I feel so strongly on the matter. Never done anything like this before so it’s a trip into the unknown, might not be popular with everyone but to hell with that.”

His story could be joined by those of many others.  Like the  lawyer who’s made incredible changes to the way she approaches her work so she now feels in control, is calmer, and is getting back the balance in life she’s so badly needed.  Or the graduate, who’s self doubt was holding her back in her professional life, yet is now facing her fears and amazing herself by dealing confidently with staff and customers at work.  Or the midwife who is blossoming as the wonderful person she always was, but somehow never recognised it in herself, and is now grabbing life with both hands.

Please do share your story, or even you favourite, uplifting quote.  I’d love to hear them!

“You’ve got to jump off cliffs, all the time, and build your wings on the way down.” - Ray Bradbury

It never ceases to fill me with awe and wonder at the very brave, but perhaps everyday things some of my clients achieve.  Such as Angela, who for years had a negative outlook, feeling that others were conspiring against her, that there was little she could do to change things.  In any case, she’d become so lacking in self-confidence and full of self-doubt, that the thought of changing things was too much to imagine.

A few weeks on and she’s growing noticeably as a person, her confidence is returning, and she’s realising that some of what was stopping her was herself. She’s made some real, yet brave, changes to the way she does things and it’s reaping real benefits for her.  People are noticing the difference, she’s enjoying life more and there’s a lightness in her step that is tangible.

Angela is taking some brave steps, and, in the process, she’s building her own wings, and learning to fly.  That’s a privilege to witness.

Over the next few posts I’ll be sharing some more quotes that sum up the work that some of my clients have achieved.  I hope you enjoy them – do let me know.  And do share your favourite, inspiring quotes with us.  I’d love to read them!