So often when a client is working on confidence and self-esteem issues, I hear them say: “But I don’t want to come across as arrogant”, or “I hate cocky people, and don’t want to be like them.”
I can honestly say that, in the nine years I’ve been coaching, I’ve never once come across someone who improved their self-confidence and became arrogant or cocky. I can’t help feeling that if you have enough awareness that it’s possible to be arrogant, there’s no likelihood you’ll become like that yourself. Being arrogant is akin to saying you’re OK but no-one else is. Being confident and self-assured is recognising you’re OK and so is everyone else.
Believing in yourself, standing up for yourself, being self-assured are all needed for you to feel good about yourself and about what you do. In fact, I feel they’re pre-requisites for a fulfilling life.
There is a wonderful piece from Marianne Williamson’s ‘A Return to Love’ that talks about the fear some of us have around developing self-assurance and self-belief. It goes like this:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our, light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
And as we let out own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
So, go on, allow yourself that self-confidence that you deserve and need. You won’t be arrogant – just more fully the person you are meant to be. And in so doing, you allow others to be more fully themselves too.
Take a read of some of these case studies of people who have already developed greater confidence…..and no arrogance in sight! Then please share any stories you have of building your confidence and self-esteem.